Neilikka
08-29-2008, 04:17 AM
While for some men it's really hard to get divorced, even though they see no future in having that nice stamp in their passport, for other men it's really hard to get married - even though they really want to.
Daniel and Dasha have known each other for years. Though he'd never been interested in her as in a woman, after his brother David happily had got married and Danny's girlfriend Mary broke up with him, Daniel decided to invite Dasha to watch some stupid movie. Then he invited her to have coffee in some small café in the center of Moscow. After two weeks of such dates I met Daniel. It seemed to me he had started to get rid of his post-break up depression. I was really glad that he was in a relationship with Dasha, which was helping him to survive after his serious and long love with Mary. He was talking about Dasha in a calm relaxed way while sipping a glass of beer.
"By the way, we have moved in together," - he told me.
That ran counter to the whole idea of having a rehab after a long-term relationships.
Although Daniel comes from a very patriarchal family, it doesn't mean he has to marry each girl he sleeps with. That's what I was thinking (and still think). Even though Dasha is good for him, his motivation to make this step differed from the way I see such motivations:
"Now I am keeping pace with my brother who got married a year ago," - Daniel seemed more proud than truly happy.
"Where are you going to live?"
"Together with my parents, I guess. At least till the wedding day as I have to save money to have a nice wedding party. Then we'll probably rent a flat. My salary is 1200 euros, Dasha is studying, so I'll have to save 700 euro per month to have the half of the sum of money I need. I'll borrow the other half from the bank."
Though it would probably be logical to continue with the idea of arranged marriage and lack of unconditional free love in some relationships, I won't do it. The first reason that I won't discuss this subject is that I guess nowadays we can take it for granted.
The second reason is that I don't want to be the girl who analyze every little thing. Instead, I will just tell you what happened next.
As soon as Daniel and Dasha moved in together, Daniel's mother changed her behavior in a most unexpected way. Although generally a balanced person, she started yelling at the newly-wed bride and groom. She disliked the fact that Daniel preferred breakfast prepared by Dasha to the mummy-made variety. She didn't want to meet Dasha's parents, and she hated almost everything about her son's new love.
At the same time, Dasha, whose life views are a bit maximalistic and whose character doesn't assume any mutual concessions, didn't even try to make the relationship with her mother-in-law more stable.
In addition to everything, Daniel (who certainly couldn't understand his mother's jealousy) pitched into his mother and after some perfomances "in the name of his future wife" he finally spoiled everything.
In social anthropology, patrilocal residence or patrilocality is a term referring to the societal system in which a married couple resides with or near the husband's parents. The concept of location may extend to a larger area such as a village, town, or clan area or to a small area like in Daniel's situation.
In a patrilocal society, when a man marries his wife joins him in his father's home or compound, where they raise their children. These children will follow the same pattern: Sons will stay, and daughters will move in with their husbands' families. Families living in a patrilocal residence generally assume joint ownership of domestic sources.
This practice is found in about 69 percent of the world's cultures that have been described ethnographically; yet, it is not prevalent in the modern world any more.
This system assumes men are 100 percent the leader, which is very doubtful in Daniel's situation. Even if he could be this leader, that doesn't mean his mother and his bride (both well-educated and emotional women with strong characters) will sit and wait for him to give orders.
What historical experience also offers is matrilocal residence or matrilocality which is a term referring to the societal system in which a married couple resides with or near the mother's parents, thus the female offspring of a mother remain living in (or near) the mother's house, thereby forming large clan-families, typically consisting of three or four generations living in the same place.
Some might call this system feministic, I'd call parts of it rational for making a strong family. While men are competing in the office, women are more predisposed to competing in the kitchen.
A house needs only one mistress, and it's much easier to identify her from the mother and daughter combo than between a husband's mother and his wife.
Anna Ozar
Daniel and Dasha have known each other for years. Though he'd never been interested in her as in a woman, after his brother David happily had got married and Danny's girlfriend Mary broke up with him, Daniel decided to invite Dasha to watch some stupid movie. Then he invited her to have coffee in some small café in the center of Moscow. After two weeks of such dates I met Daniel. It seemed to me he had started to get rid of his post-break up depression. I was really glad that he was in a relationship with Dasha, which was helping him to survive after his serious and long love with Mary. He was talking about Dasha in a calm relaxed way while sipping a glass of beer.
"By the way, we have moved in together," - he told me.
That ran counter to the whole idea of having a rehab after a long-term relationships.
Although Daniel comes from a very patriarchal family, it doesn't mean he has to marry each girl he sleeps with. That's what I was thinking (and still think). Even though Dasha is good for him, his motivation to make this step differed from the way I see such motivations:
"Now I am keeping pace with my brother who got married a year ago," - Daniel seemed more proud than truly happy.
"Where are you going to live?"
"Together with my parents, I guess. At least till the wedding day as I have to save money to have a nice wedding party. Then we'll probably rent a flat. My salary is 1200 euros, Dasha is studying, so I'll have to save 700 euro per month to have the half of the sum of money I need. I'll borrow the other half from the bank."
Though it would probably be logical to continue with the idea of arranged marriage and lack of unconditional free love in some relationships, I won't do it. The first reason that I won't discuss this subject is that I guess nowadays we can take it for granted.
The second reason is that I don't want to be the girl who analyze every little thing. Instead, I will just tell you what happened next.
As soon as Daniel and Dasha moved in together, Daniel's mother changed her behavior in a most unexpected way. Although generally a balanced person, she started yelling at the newly-wed bride and groom. She disliked the fact that Daniel preferred breakfast prepared by Dasha to the mummy-made variety. She didn't want to meet Dasha's parents, and she hated almost everything about her son's new love.
At the same time, Dasha, whose life views are a bit maximalistic and whose character doesn't assume any mutual concessions, didn't even try to make the relationship with her mother-in-law more stable.
In addition to everything, Daniel (who certainly couldn't understand his mother's jealousy) pitched into his mother and after some perfomances "in the name of his future wife" he finally spoiled everything.
In social anthropology, patrilocal residence or patrilocality is a term referring to the societal system in which a married couple resides with or near the husband's parents. The concept of location may extend to a larger area such as a village, town, or clan area or to a small area like in Daniel's situation.
In a patrilocal society, when a man marries his wife joins him in his father's home or compound, where they raise their children. These children will follow the same pattern: Sons will stay, and daughters will move in with their husbands' families. Families living in a patrilocal residence generally assume joint ownership of domestic sources.
This practice is found in about 69 percent of the world's cultures that have been described ethnographically; yet, it is not prevalent in the modern world any more.
This system assumes men are 100 percent the leader, which is very doubtful in Daniel's situation. Even if he could be this leader, that doesn't mean his mother and his bride (both well-educated and emotional women with strong characters) will sit and wait for him to give orders.
What historical experience also offers is matrilocal residence or matrilocality which is a term referring to the societal system in which a married couple resides with or near the mother's parents, thus the female offspring of a mother remain living in (or near) the mother's house, thereby forming large clan-families, typically consisting of three or four generations living in the same place.
Some might call this system feministic, I'd call parts of it rational for making a strong family. While men are competing in the office, women are more predisposed to competing in the kitchen.
A house needs only one mistress, and it's much easier to identify her from the mother and daughter combo than between a husband's mother and his wife.
Anna Ozar