Neilikka
08-29-2008, 03:40 AM
Though I know people who think life makes sense if you buy cool stuff, have many variable one-night-stands, and spend much more than half of your life in the office growing from a simple manager to a CEO, I also know people who think it's much more important to make children and raise them in a strong, loving family. In my opinion, it's not even a philosophical question whether you have to do it or not - it's just a normal instinct that makes sense for you and of course for the one who's going to be born (though he likely won't be delighted with traffic jams and taxes).
Despite the fact that I don't like children (they're small, stupid and noisy), I was genuinely happy when my friend Lily told me she was pregnant. Lily, like me, has just graduated from the university. She has an interesting job, wealthy parents, and... she has no idea whether she needs a father for her child or not. Lily told me she perceived him as a burden, though she had feelings for him, and to be honest, he is one of those people you can always count on. The thing was, she never depended on him financially.
Some Russian statistics say the number of unwed mothers in Russia is close to 30 percent of the population. In America, the US National Center of Health Statistics says 40 percent of women raise children alone. Clearly, this is becoming a trend. The family values of a man and woman getting married and taking care of their small copies are less and less popular.
So what exactly is wrong with marriage? Do men bother women that much? Or is the opposite true: men just don't want to assume the responsibilities, and women must accept this fact and adapt to it?
Women who have children outside of wedlock are less likely than other single women to marry, and when they do marry, their husbands tend to be less well-matched, according to a new study by Ohio State University. I'm not sure how American unwed mothers would react to these statistics, but I'm sure Russian women would say:
"So what?"
Russian women don't think that just because a certain man has helped to make a child she must child live her life together with this man. Russian women are still perceived as housewives by some Russian men, though many of them are successful in business and politics. It's hard to guess whether your partner has the same view on things or not. And there are many views nowadays, and there are no rules - why look for some compromises if you can easily survive without a husband and without any contradictions in bringing up your kid?
Anyway, everybody knows things are changing, as are the roles of men and women. The problem is that such changes are quite unnatural, especially for a child, who needs to have two parents to feel safe and happy.
I contacted child psychologist Elena from the Center of Family Medecine and asked her for comments:
"It's unhealthy to raise a child without a father, as nature was smart enough to make two parents (not 3 or 1). Each of them has special functions: the mother is mostly responsible for building the healthy consciousness of the child, the father is responsible for the child's socialization. That is why it's more natural for a woman to be at home (home is soul) and to devote most of her time to making it cozy and comfortable. As for the man, he'd better spend most of the time outside the "nest" to form an image of an active person in the eyes of the child."
What is the reason for buying into the idea of raising children alone? Some women are afraid to solve problems and change their lives.
But the rules of forming the family are as old as the rules of reproduction. We don't realize that as soon as we start to break these rules, we'll come closer to the day when women will get used to artificial insemination, and children will be able to choose whether to love their artificial mothers or not.
By Anna Ozar
Despite the fact that I don't like children (they're small, stupid and noisy), I was genuinely happy when my friend Lily told me she was pregnant. Lily, like me, has just graduated from the university. She has an interesting job, wealthy parents, and... she has no idea whether she needs a father for her child or not. Lily told me she perceived him as a burden, though she had feelings for him, and to be honest, he is one of those people you can always count on. The thing was, she never depended on him financially.
Some Russian statistics say the number of unwed mothers in Russia is close to 30 percent of the population. In America, the US National Center of Health Statistics says 40 percent of women raise children alone. Clearly, this is becoming a trend. The family values of a man and woman getting married and taking care of their small copies are less and less popular.
So what exactly is wrong with marriage? Do men bother women that much? Or is the opposite true: men just don't want to assume the responsibilities, and women must accept this fact and adapt to it?
Women who have children outside of wedlock are less likely than other single women to marry, and when they do marry, their husbands tend to be less well-matched, according to a new study by Ohio State University. I'm not sure how American unwed mothers would react to these statistics, but I'm sure Russian women would say:
"So what?"
Russian women don't think that just because a certain man has helped to make a child she must child live her life together with this man. Russian women are still perceived as housewives by some Russian men, though many of them are successful in business and politics. It's hard to guess whether your partner has the same view on things or not. And there are many views nowadays, and there are no rules - why look for some compromises if you can easily survive without a husband and without any contradictions in bringing up your kid?
Anyway, everybody knows things are changing, as are the roles of men and women. The problem is that such changes are quite unnatural, especially for a child, who needs to have two parents to feel safe and happy.
I contacted child psychologist Elena from the Center of Family Medecine and asked her for comments:
"It's unhealthy to raise a child without a father, as nature was smart enough to make two parents (not 3 or 1). Each of them has special functions: the mother is mostly responsible for building the healthy consciousness of the child, the father is responsible for the child's socialization. That is why it's more natural for a woman to be at home (home is soul) and to devote most of her time to making it cozy and comfortable. As for the man, he'd better spend most of the time outside the "nest" to form an image of an active person in the eyes of the child."
What is the reason for buying into the idea of raising children alone? Some women are afraid to solve problems and change their lives.
But the rules of forming the family are as old as the rules of reproduction. We don't realize that as soon as we start to break these rules, we'll come closer to the day when women will get used to artificial insemination, and children will be able to choose whether to love their artificial mothers or not.
By Anna Ozar